All By Myself

Yesterday I took my parents to the airport so they could fly out to take a 5 week cruise around the orient. I’m really glad they’re going on this trip, it should be amazing.

But I’m a little anxious too. When I’ve felt horrible or overwhelmed in the past, I could always get a Mommy break by dropping Bella off with my folks. I won’t have that option for the next 5 weeks.

In all honesty, I only REALLY have 3 days on my own since the hubby teleworks on Wednesday and is off on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But I worry. I’ve joined a lot of Lyme groups lately and have started hearing a lot of horror stories. People having horrible flare-ups, even during treatment.

What am I going to do if I have a flare-up and the only way I can “function” is to take Vicodin every 6 hours? I don’t get loopy on Vicodin, but I do get sleepy. This means a lot of time letting Bella watch TV instead of interacting with her or taking her places. And that will suck.

So, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I have a good 5 weeks. The new version of the Uber Cream that Doc T prescribed arrived and seems to help a bit more. The heat wrap is an option as well. Vicodin is my last resort.

Bella is finally no longer sick, but she’s not going to sleep or getting herself back to sleep very well, which means bad nights. If I have to, I’ll just nap every day when she does. What other choice do I have?

My Life as Seen Through my Pharmacist’s Eyes

all of it

The entirety of my current medication regimen

Chronic Lyme Antibiotics

My Current Chronic Lyme Disease Antibiotic Regimen

just say no to yeast

Antibiotics = Yeast Infections. My attempts to prevent them during long-term antibiotic use.

Standard Meds

2 Antidepressants I hope to quit when I no longer have chronic pain, Singulair for allergies, Crestor for Cholesterol and birth control pills because I can barely handle Bella as it is

vitamins

I still need a few more supplements because of the Lyme, but these are the basics

Pain Relief

My “Super” Cream, Hydrocodone, Oxycodone, Klonopin (because anxiety is fun!) and my trusty Sumatriptan

A Week's Worth

I’m Only 37-Years-Old and I Take All this Crap Every Day. WTF?

No More Avoiding the Inevitable

I never even saw the bastard or had the bulls-eye rash back in 1988

As much as I didn’t want it to be true, in the end the tests just don’t lie. I have Chronic Lyme Disease from the infection I was diagnosed with in March of 1989.

Doc T was right. This is why migraine preventatives don’t work. This is why depression meds aren’t working. This is the cause of everything.

Looking back now, I realize that when I thought I felt better from depression and headaches in November and December of last year, it wasn’t the Lyrica or Wellbutrin. It was the 6 weeks of antibiotics I was taking for what we thought at the time was a new infection of Lyme (but actually a flare-up).

I have a lot of mixed emotions, to say the least.

I’m happy that we can begin to treat it and it is an inexpensive course of action (2 antibiotics and something to keep me from becoming a bakery). If it goes the way it did last time, by the time Bella’s birthday rolls around at the end of next month, I might actually be feeling like the old me again. But I could be on antibiotics 6-months this first time.

I’m sad about all the time wasted over the decades when I wasn’t being treated for what the root problem to everything was.

I’m sad that I wasn’t willing to put more faith in Doc T because I didn’t want the diagnosis to be true.

I’m upset that this is “chronic”. I will have to deal with this the rest of my life. I will have flare-ups here and there and need courses of antibiotics to treat them.

I am frustrated because there is barely any literature of scientific research on Chronic Lyme. In some circles they doubt its very existence, let alone treatment with long-term antibiotics.

I guess I’m just a bit overwhelmed with emotions. I really don’t know what else to say.

If you want to learn more, you can visit: http://www.lymeinfo.net/chroniclymedisease.html

Holding Pattern

I’ve been stuck in a holding pattern for a month or so now. The muscle relaxers have ceased to work almost entirely, even at the maximum dose. My depression is not as bad as it was before, but I’m certainly no where near as happy as I know I should be.

Doc T is out of answers and on Wednesday I am finally getting my long put-off follow-up blood tests. She is absolutely convinced that my CD57 will have increased and thus confirm her Chronic Lyme diagnosis. I am convinced that the numbers will not have changed and there simply is no explanation for why drugs fail me.

If Doc T is right, she would want me to do at least 6 months of antibiotics to start with to kill the Lyme once and for all. I do not want to do this. Besides that fact that I’ve always been someone who thinks antibiotics are used too casually in today’s society, it’s the side effects I dread most. The constant naseau is definitely not fun, but it’s my propensity for yeast infections that worries me most. I usually get one when I take only 5 days of antibioics, how many am I going to get in 6 months? Basically I get to kill all intimacy with my husband for a cure I “hope” will work.

Then there’s the supplements afterward. I don’t know if they’re required or just recommended, but we can’t afford them. Money is tight. Really goddamn tight. We are cinching up our belts like we’ve never done before, and it probably still won’t be enough.

And then there’s the depression and anxiety. Since I can’t afford name brand drugs because of the co-pays, Doc T is out of options for things to prescribe, so now she wants me to see a neuropyschiatrist. Yippee.

I don’t know why I’ve been so down the past few days, I try to keep it to myself. But I think a little venting does the body good.

I’m in a crappy mood at the moment, so now for something completely different

When all else fails, Monty Python