Holding Pattern

I’ve been stuck in a holding pattern for a month or so now. The muscle relaxers have ceased to work almost entirely, even at the maximum dose. My depression is not as bad as it was before, but I’m certainly no where near as happy as I know I should be.

Doc T is out of answers and on Wednesday I am finally getting my long put-off follow-up blood tests. She is absolutely convinced that my CD57 will have increased and thus confirm her Chronic Lyme diagnosis. I am convinced that the numbers will not have changed and there simply is no explanation for why drugs fail me.

If Doc T is right, she would want me to do at least 6 months of antibiotics to start with to kill the Lyme once and for all. I do not want to do this. Besides that fact that I’ve always been someone who thinks antibiotics are used too casually in today’s society, it’s the side effects I dread most. The constant naseau is definitely not fun, but it’s my propensity for yeast infections that worries me most. I usually get one when I take only 5 days of antibioics, how many am I going to get in 6 months? Basically I get to kill all intimacy with my husband for a cure I “hope” will work.

Then there’s the supplements afterward. I don’t know if they’re required or just recommended, but we can’t afford them. Money is tight. Really goddamn tight. We are cinching up our belts like we’ve never done before, and it probably still won’t be enough.

And then there’s the depression and anxiety. Since I can’t afford name brand drugs because of the co-pays, Doc T is out of options for things to prescribe, so now she wants me to see a neuropyschiatrist. Yippee.

I don’t know why I’ve been so down the past few days, I try to keep it to myself. But I think a little venting does the body good.

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About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

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