The Flood Begins (fiction)

My cleverly constructed dam is starting to fail.

I had built it with such care. Each brick another piece of myself that I pushed away and used to keep everyone else at arm’s reach.

Over the months and years, the walls grew higher and higher until I could no longer see anything outside of them. All I had was my own loneliness to keep me company.

Sometimes I would hear sounds outside the wall. An animated conversation here, a heartfelt laugh there… the sounds of a world continuing without me.

And so I began to fill the inside with my tears. One tear for each time I failed. As a wife. As a mother. As a daughter. As a friend.

The waters began to rise quickly and I grew accustomed to treading them in a lake of my own creation.

But my body has begun to weaken. The strength to continue to swim is leaving me and I am left with only 2 choices; I can let the wall crumble or I can drown.

My dam is starting to fail. The cracks are getting larger now and are more difficult to hide.

Soon the water will all seep out and those around me will be able to peek in.

I am naked and alone.

Wherever did I put my mask?

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About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

5 Responses to The Flood Begins (fiction)

  1. Ken says:

    Who says you failed in anything? Not that outside validation is the only ticket to self-worth, but you are way to hard on yourself. Go take a walk through Zerns and you will have a new perspective.
    In a few weeks, you will be a test subject for Project X.

  2. Ken says:

    “too”, not “to”.

  3. The depression has taken over majority control of my mind at the moment. I see nothing but my failings and disappointments. This won’t change until I am properly medicated. I haven’t written in a VERY long time in anything other than matter-of-fact, diary-style ramblings. This is just my attempt to use my demons in my favor. My deep, dark place will contain light again.

  4. Ken says:

    You are loved. No matter how hard think you are pushing us away, we will be around.
    Also, naked is better in a crowd than alone.

  5. Thank you Ken, it’s good to be reminded that it’s all in my head… the loneliness may feel real, but I’m not alone. I miss you guys.

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