The Failure of Pharmaceuticals

What had once started with great promise has crashed into a giant, fiery heap on the ground. Several months ago I was claiming to be the poster child for Better Living through Chemistry, but as so often happens with my stupid body, the medicines have stopped working and I’m right back where I started. Daily migraines, uncontrolled depression, utterly disheartened.

I have an additional medical issue that has been going on for nearly 3 weeks and is threatening to send me into a murderous rage from constant discomfort (whereas constant pain, I can handle somehow).

I got so fed up late last week that I simply quit taking every pill but birth control and ambien. I hate putting chemicals into my body, but recognize it as a necessity…. but if these chemicals aren’t actually doing anything and cost me $40/month each… I just can’t do it.

I am trying to fight the feeling of being hopeless. I will probably find the right antidepressant at some point. (And there was a month when the Wellbutrin was working and I actually felt human again, like the old me. It was like a tease of what could be.) Then, no matter how much the dosage was increased, I couldn’t replicate that feeling.

The additional medical issue is frustrating as hell too because it prevents me from exercising, attending events I had committed to, spending “quality” time with R and being the patient and loving mother my daughter deserves. It also saps my will to accomplish the creative items I need to complete for my friend’s web store.

I have been silent on my blog and FB because I have such negativity oozing out of me right now. I want to keep it to myself, because I only want to be a positive experience in people’s lives. Who knows when I’ll be able to be that again.

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About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

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