Awash in a Sea of Sadness

When fighting depression, it takes very little to lose any strides you’ve made. I was feeling better than I had in years for the past 3 or 4 weeks, and now I feel so incredibly sad.

The main reason is my Lyrica has not been working for the past 3 days. I have suffered from neck pain of some degree constantly over these days and it is incredibly disheartening to think that the medicine I had pinned my hopes on for helping to alleviate my migraines has failed me like every other one I’ve tried. There are much higher levels of the medicine I can take, my dose is fairly low, but I am beginning to have the same feeling I had with Topomax: great relief for a short period of time – the miracle drug every migraine sufferer should be on – failure to prevent migraines after 6-8 weeks of use.

The other problem is my weight. I do not weigh myself, the scale and I do not get along. But I have been trying to cut back on my portions, drink more water and I’ve even been bad and skipped meals here and there. So, I decided to weigh myself. 186.6 pounds. I am 5’2″ and that is 50 POUNDS over the MAXIMUM healthy weight for someone my height. What am I supposed to do, I get exercise-induced migraines as it is at times, but getting them most days anyway prevents me from having a good workout routine. I know I should walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes, some time is better than none… but that’s not how I work. If I’m doing something, I want/need to do it daily to maintain and how can I do that when I never know how I’ll feel from day to day? And of course being overweight probably doesn’t help the situation, that old catch-22.

And I still feel like a bad mother because Bella won’t speak, and my damn insecurities keep me from going to any playgroups where she can interact with other kids, and she’s been a screaming mess lately….

And I just don’t know what to do. I feel lost and directionless.

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About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

2 Responses to Awash in a Sea of Sadness

  1. I’m so sorry, I can relate. Actually, I just read your “about” and I think we may, in fact, be the same person! Haha. I can relate to pretty much everything you wrote on there, even though I have not yet spoken about much of it on my blog. But back to this, I can especially relate to the depression, and with migraines, and my husband gets them terribly. I have the same weight/height thing going on too since my daughter was born in 2010, and can’t seem to motivate myself to drop it, and when I have tried I have felt terribly ill. Weight Watchers has helped in the past, but now it’s not even possible to do that. I’m going to try to walk outside just a bit for now. I hope you can find something that works for you.

  2. Thank you so much for writing, it’s always nice to know you’re not in it alone. I try really hard to be a positive person, but sometimes your strength just gives out. My friend just upped my Wellbutrin and I’m going to go for tests tomorrow, including the one that would tell if I have chronic Lyme disease or not. I kind of hope I do because otherwise I don’t really know what I’m going to do.

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