The Whims of a Madwoman (with apologies to Dennis Hopper)

This naughty blogger has been very neglectful of her blog, so now I must do that which is most evil…. the bullet list update. These are in no particular order and I apologize in advance for the disorganized nature of my thoughts this morning(/evening. Today did not go as planned and I will be posting about that at a later time).

  • I am currently the poster child for better living through chemistry. Doc T and I have been working hard to improve my quality of life since my migraines went into over drive last year. We’re done treating my active Lyme (though she wants to re-test to be sure) and I still need to get the dormant Lyme test done. In the meantime, I have found a cocktail which seems to work for me.
    • Lyrica for my neck/shoulder pain and migraine prevention. I’m part of an online pain support group and everyone was surprised that I didn’t have luck with Cymbalta but was finding success with Lyrica. The only problem so far is transitioning off the Cymbalta and starting the Lyrica means I have been dealing with vertigo (which is new for me). It’s definitely not fun. I’ve only driven once since it started, and that was a solo drive to the grocery store. I’m actually a little concerned about driving with Bella in the car.
    • Wellbutrin for anxiety and depression. I’m not sure how much it’s helping with the depression, but it’s definitely helping with the anxiety which was the more pressing issue. Some people cut their legs, some burn their arms, my form of self-mutilation is scab picking. My face turned into a war zone over the past few months. I couldn’t seem to stop myself, I wouldn’t even notice I was picking until it was too late. But even though I haven’t been on it long, I already notice a decline in the picking on the Wellbutrin. Hopefully I’ll be able to let my face heal and stop feeling shame when I look at Bella’s beautiful face.
    • Ambien, oh wonderful, sweet Ambien. I started my 3rd trimester of pregnancy around June of 2010 and I have not slept through the night even once since then. Between my bladder and my daughter and the damn dog, I had not slept more than 6 hours straight in a year and a half. I started taking 10mg of Ambien several weeks ago and have been able to sleep through the night again finally. I am sure this helps my migraines and depression. The funny part of the Ambien is that if I do wake up during the night, especially if R wakes me for some reason… I don’t remember it. It’s like I’m a sloppy drunk without the booze.
  • Speaking of sleeping, I’m about at my limit with Chloe. This 35 pound dog has taken over 2/3 of the space I have to sleep on the bed. Contorting around her every night is making me achy and for some strange reason, she’s started having to be let out in the middle of the night (just when I finally started being able to sleep well). The day we adopted her, her first night she just jumped up on our bed like it was the most natural thing ever. I think I really need to encourage her to find the joy in sleeping on a dog bed. I had bought one for Nemo to use under the table I have my computer on and I think I’m going to purchase a 2nd one and try to get Chloe to sleep on it. I don’t expect much success, but I have to try something.
  • It’s funny, now that Bella is STTN 99% of the time, she has every reason not to because she is frequently waking up wet with a leaky diaper. It’s time to get some super-duty diapers for overnight and I think we’ll be going to the next size up in diapers anyway.
  • Bella had her 15-month check-up last week. She’s in the 35th percentile for height and 90th percentile for weight. She was a complete disaster when the doctor was simply performing her exam and understandably so when she got her 2 vaccines. On the positive side, her vitamins have successfully treated her iron deficiency.
  • I am utterly and completely frustrated with Bella’s lack of speech. She jabbers like a fool, takes direction extremely well and can obviously understand a lot of what is said. But neither R nor I feel comfortable claiming she has actually said any words. Has she made noises like “Dadadadada” and “Mamamamama”? Yes, but not at the appropriate times where we would be comfortable saying she associates those words with us. I think part of the problem has been my strength in empathy and reading people…. when she needs things, I can usually figure out what it is without her needing to use verbal cues. So now R, me and my folks (the people she is with most often), have all started refusing to give her what she wants without saying the associated word at least a half dozen times to try to encourage her to speak. So far, no luck. Who knows, maybe part of it is R and my unwillingness to attribute her making random noises with her saying a particular word. She does kinda say “Uh Oh” when she drops things sometimes. Her doctor wasn’t too concerned since she jabbers so much and excels physically (walks like a champ and climbs all over the place), but she has until her 18-month check-up to start talking before we’ll need to get early intervention speech specialists involved. She’s so clever that it’s almost astounding (building things with her blocks, doing wood puzzles, etc.), but she just won’t speak. Grr.
  • Bella is absolutely my daughter… she is so goddamn stubborn and persistent. She has this thing where we usually have a toddler chair we bought her sitting up against the couch and she uses it to get up onto the couch, climb over the console and then play in my lap, demand to be read to, or furiously try to mess with my computer, the remote controls or the cordless phone on the table next to me. The other day I was in the kitchen making dinner and I moved her chair into the center of the room near her mega blocks table so she couldn’t get into trouble. So what does she do? She stands up on the chair in the middle of the floor and starts screaming and refuses to stop. Why? Because she wanted to climb up on the couch and she couldn’t. And man, can she ever scream. And the tears? Instantaneous. She has the most impressive crocodile tears I’ve ever seen. She stops crying as soon as she gets what she wants or is distracted. I know the crying is her way of communicating with us when her forms of communication are limited, but holy crap is she ridiculous.
  • Oh, Bella has started doing the cutest thing. Whenever I pick her up, she wraps her arms around my neck and hugs me <mommy melt>.
  • OMG, I am so fucking sick of the presidential campaigning. The group of republicans vying for support are some of the most despicable people I’ve ever seen in “public service”.
  • Speaking of noise, I got a bark deterrent thing from amazon today. We’ll see if it helps at all. We hope to get the dogs to stop barking at imaginary things and get Chloe to leave Lou alone.
  • I am so grateful for my chronic pain support group and older first-time moms group on FB, they keep me sane.
  • I love zany, self-effacing, witty, snarky, humorous people and if you do too, you must start reading The Bloggess.
  • I bought a wireless keyboard and mouse so Bella has a few less cords to pull on.
  • It’s the cutest thing… whenever the Professor is over and Bella gets her bottle, she goes over to him and makes him hold her while she drinks it.
  • I miss Doc T, she’s been incredibly busy and we haven’t had a chance to see each other in a while (though she’s always there for me whenever medical stuff comes up)
  • I also miss snow, we’re apparently skipping that part of winter this year. It was 60 degrees a few weeks ago. It’s just not right.
  • R and I actually had a “date night” a few weeks ago (a Christmas present from my folks). They took Bella mid-morning on Wedesday and she came home 24-hours later. We got to run errands, go to a movie (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, I liked it!) and have a yummy dinner out at a nearby Indian restaurant.
  • I scanned in and posted a bunch of old photos on FB…. my first marriage seems like a lifetime ago, high school and before seem more like a dream I once had.
  • Today is my niece’s 6th birthday. We saw her at Thanksgiving, but I have absolutely no idea when we’ll see her or anyone on that side of the family next. It’s a shame.

About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

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