So very tired of being in pain

I hate to complain. I spent WAY too many years where that was all I did because of the frame of mind I was in. I try to assess my situation and take control and change what I can. But I feel like I have absolutely no control over my migraines. They’re daily. Again.

I’ve been dealing with them for decades, but for this very reason, I’ve run through most of the standard treatments to prevent them and am nearing the end of my options. Doc T prescribed a muscle relaxer for me to take since a lot of this stems from neck tension, but it knocks me on my ass! I’ve been taking it every evening to get used to it, but if I try taking it during the day, I can barely keep my eyes open and that doesn’t work well with a fleet-footed toddler. I started taking it with milk, so at least the nausea is under control, that was just making it worse. But by the time the morning comes, I can feel the neck tension increasing again and I start to play the “maybe I can handle the pain without medication” game. I try to see if I can hold out, if it’ll subside. But it doesn’t. The main problem with this is that my insurance will only cover 18 migraine pills a month… I get them daily, sometimes more than one dose is needed to get rid of the migraine… that means I have to resort to other methods like taking codeine so I don’t run out.

There is so much I want to do… I want to take Bella to the park, I want to start walking on the treadmill when she naps, I want to work on marketing for my friend’s web store. But every day it’s just a fight to stay in as little pain as I can manage and try to be a good, attentive mother.

I have a last ditch option of getting some blood work to see if the Lyme Disease I had so many years ago may be contributing, but getting out to get the blood drawn is not easy. I don’t want to take Bella with me and I need to go early. Maybe I can have R watch her and try to go tomorrow.

I think everything is complicated by my raging hormones. I made my goal of breastfeeding Bella for her entire first year, but now that I’m not nursing, I know my hormones have gone into a tizzy. This might be why my depression medication doesn’t seem to be working… or it’s just that I’m so tired of being in pain all the time. Something needs to change, but I feel powerless and bordering on hopeless.

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About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

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