Random Thoughts on March 10th

  • I alternate between being incredibly frustrated with the battle to get Bella to sleep for naps and the night and being utterly amazed at her progress. She now seems completely capable of turning back-to-tummy and tummy-to-back at will. She no longer violently flips from tummy-to-back, so I’m not so worried about her banging her head. Her drooling has peaked and she is rubbing things on her gums, I think in the next week or so she’s going to have some teeth pop up. Solid food is just around the corner and with it, the possibility of better sleeping (I hope).
  • I think dogs are good preparation for having children. The responsibility they require and the limits they put on your travel lay the foundation for parenthood. However, having dogs when you have a baby can be maddening. The little things they do that annoy you (demanding belly rubs before going outside to pee, barking at inanimate objects, demanding love at 4am) are downright infuriating when you’re trying to get the baby to sleep, or the baby is sleeping, or you’ve packed the baby in the car seat already or you’re exhausted yourself. If Bella wasn’t so utterly fascinated by them and I didn’t think she’d absolutely love having dogs to be friends with when she’s older, I would be tempted to find them new homes. But I won’t. There have been many times when they have given me great joy and I know we’ll get back there again.
  • I am still waging a war with my migraines. I had a good patch, but then I had migraines both yesterday and the day before. Tuesday had me driving over 350 miles, so I blamed that… but yesterday was just a regular day and I got a migraine (though Bella did have a nice, 40-minute long screaming session before she succumbed to her late afternoon nap that may have contributed to it). I felt like I was maybe going to get one this morning, but so far it has stayed away. I have to talk to T and see if we want to try upping the verapamil since I’m at such a low-level.
  • I don’t understand how my brother could be an editor for a group of small, weekly newspapers for almost 10 years and be so completely and utterly inept with computers. He’s effed it up once more and having “Show My PC” on it won’t help when he can’t get any applications to run with the latest virus either he, his wife or son acquired. He’s going to see my Dad on Saturday and when he does he’s giving him his PC for me to fix for him since I can’t do it remotely. Side note: My Aunt Anita was legally blind from birth and always needed to be taken care of, mostly by my Aunt Jenny and my father. My Dad has recently apologized to me and said he’s sorry that my brother will be “my Anita”… someone I’ll need to help out, he can’t make it on his own. We always wonder how much of this is leftover from the traumatic brain injury from his car accident and how much of it is just him being bailed out and coddled so much by my folks that he never developed any self-reliance.
  • R and I got some bad news yesterday. He saw the ENT and it seems that it is more likely than not that the 80% hearing loss in his right ear may be permanent. It makes us both sad to think he might miss some of the sounds coming from Bella. His left ear is still fine and he may be eligible for hearing aids, we have to see how he tests in 3 and 6 months. We will also probably look into getting a 2nd opinion, right now they think the loss was due to a virus.
  • I saw some video my Mom had taken of me holding Bella while she was babbling and I looked absolutely horrible. I desperately need the weather to be nicer consistently so I can go for walks with Bella and get in better shape. She is still napping too inconsistently for me to use the treadmill (she just went down for a nap without me nursing for the first time in days, but she woke up less than 30 minutes later. I’m letting her fuss for a while and see if she can get herself back to sleep, I’m not very hopeful and a short nap now means problems later).
  • I’m still having confidence issues as a mother because Bella doesn’t sleep through the night yet and has such problems going down for naps. I feel like I must be inept or doing something wrong, even though I “know” that Bella is a difficult baby. My Mom has no advice, my brother and I were apparently pretty easy for the most part.
  • I am still arguing with myself in my own head about trying to find a part-time job I can do from home. We could definitely use the money, but I still don’t have a set schedule where I know I would be available and mentally able to do anything. If Bella is sleeping, I’m usually sleeping, showering or catching up on laundry or dishes or the such.
  • I think Bella is bored with me and the dogs and our house. She was so pleasant up at my in-laws and is usually pretty good at my folk’s place. Even though she has different activities to do here, I think I’m just not stimulating enough for her.
  • I miss being able to run out and complete simple tasks. We have a package we need to drop off at UPS and I haven’t been able to get to it. I can’t leave Bella in the car while I wait in line and hauling the package and her into a store and waiting just isn’t something I can do a lot of the time. Maybe when she’s a little bit older, but right now it’s hard to get much done outside the home.
  • S is threatening to come visit this weekend and I really hope she can make it. I missed her so much when I lived on the West Coast and now that I’m back East I don’t get to see her nearly as often as I would like.
  • I think the Phillies have a pitching staff for the ages, but we still can’t hit and won’t make the World Series this year.
  • I really should be putting dishes away and folding laundry, but I just can’t find the energy at the moment. I’m just sitting here listening to the rain hit the AC unit in the living room wall.
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About snarkysillysad
A former marketing professional with 15 years of experience in the technology industry. Through her blog she has shared her journey through pregnancy and motherhood as well as her struggle with migraines, depression, and chronic pain

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